Relationships.

I have so many friends who struggle with their relationships. Constant shit storms, fights, anger, and destruction. It is hard to find the right person, it takes time, but don't sit there and waste your time on the wrong one.

I can speak from my own perspective that relationships will never be perfect and you wouldn't want it to be. But there is no reason why a relationship should make either person feel overly stressed, angry, hurt, resentful or broken down.

The first thing I have noticed is
1) the lack of trust, if you do not trust someone don't be with them. If you are hurt from past relationships and portray that onto the next person you are with than you need to be single for a bit and focus on you.
 a) I have also seen people yell at their S.O to come home after they have been drinking, just to yell at them. Do you seriously want your loved one to risk their life driving? On top of it all people say things they don't mean when they are drunk, don't set yourself up for that pain.
 b) If they are with a best friend trust them that they really are. You cannot prevent someone from cheating, squeezing harder onto them is going to make them want to stray more. Listen, if a girl or guy is a cheater it will expose itself sooner or later, it is not you no matter who you are because it is wrong and a conscious decision to sleep with someone else.

2) Lack of communication
This is the one biggest things for relationships and if you cannot talk to your S.O without them yelling at you right off the bat you need to do some thinking.
a) I see people abuse communication by calling someone else a name or make the other person feel bad or make things seem one sided. You have to think what am I doing wrong? How can I improve it? But also know that it takes two to tango.
b) don't yell, talk as calmly as possible, make sure you express how important it is to you to talk.
c) don't be afraid to express if something is a deal breaker, for new relationships get it out of the way then and there. You want what you want don't settle for anything less.
d) Communicate about sex, if you aren't happy talk about spicing things up. Sex is not a chore, it is not a "man's" duty or a "woman's" duty. It is healthy to have sex and holding sex over someone's head is manipulative and wrong. Not respecting that your S.O needs or wants to have sex more is not okay. It is one thing if you have no drive, but even then that should be talked about. If you don't, it can leave the other person feeling like they are unattractive, unwanted, or unloved.
e) COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!!!!

3) Changing people.
If you don't like someone for who they are don't be with them. You cannot change someone. Would you like someone coming into your life and telling you how to be? No? Then knock it off.

Now for more rambling and random tips because I HAVE to get this out.

Men and women who try to change people, yell, bitch, complain, use sex as a weapon, act different until your married, hinder others from their dreams, or who blow up their S.O's phones. Seriously you are making the rest of us look bad.

You must be at peace with yourself before you involve someone else. Love yourself before you can love someone else. Accept everyone in all forms. Don't be afraid to have fun.

Recently for an example, my fiance and I every time we talk it's either about work, bills, how we are managing. I am guilty of being really uptight and constantly am the penny pincher who is always thinking about where money goes where. He stresses because he feels sometimes all his hard work isn't paying off.

I remembered when we had nothing, no money, no jobs, no where to go and we always had fun because we didn't care about anything as long as we were together.

Finally I told him no more work talk, bills talk, or anything. We went to the casino and hung out, bought a crap ton of beer and talked listening to music. Just letting ourselves talk freely about everything. We hold nothing from each other. It felt great to not give a shit. I think people forget to relax with each other, drowning in responsibility so much that the flame burns out.

We are a relationship that I think many people didn't see working out because I was 20 when we met and he was 33. He and I also were also at our roughest points in life, I was pretty much drinking myself to death at the time having just dealt with some very dark experiences and he, abusing meth. We had no money, no jobs, no where to really go, living day by day with no responsibilities. In most cases it wouldn't have worked out, but I am now almost 24 and my fiance is 37 still going strong. He is four years clean, he walked away and never went back. I now barely drink, we own a home, have four cats, he has a great job and I have been pursuing my art career. I know a lot of people didn't think it would work, a lot of people tried to say he wasn't the one for me, and yes, it wasn't ideal the situation he was in but no matter the age, what he had been through, what I had been through none of it mattered. I fell in love with his heart, his soul, his mind.

People seem to think you have to have some check list for the perfect person, rules of who you can or can't be with and it doesn't exist.

The only reason we have survived is because we communicate, support each other, and are open to one another 110%, he doesn't sweat small things and neither do I.

Jealousy is non-existent.

Jealousy is the most awful reason to break up with someone, and now that we have social media people are convinced that in a relationship we have to exchange passwords and snoop, we don't. Everyone deserves privacy and be trusted. Like I said in the article earlier a relationship will not work if there is no trust.

Don't stress on trying to be some perfect thing for someone or anyone for that matter because it doesn't exist. Perfection is in your own mind and if you like yourself and can honestly say you are a good person and a good GF/BF then be happy with yourself.

Even people we think are perfect get dumped, they get their heartbroken, they make mistakes. Life is too short to keep putting all your energy into squeezing someone in your arms so they will stay.

A relationship can be great but people take it so seriously like an imprisonment, like you are stuck with someone. The ball and chain concept. Love is messy and sometimes it really sucks.

But in a good relationship, when both people care and truly love each other who would do anything for each other. It can be the greatest feeling in the whole world.

While many believe true love like in the movie "The Notebook" isn't real, I can safely say it is out there.